There is a reason office romance is discouraged. These are the results of our highly scientific, reproductive simulations.

In closing, Bill S. determined what I would look like if I never manage to mate* — something that may be best for the rest of the world.

*All joking aside, I don’t want to poke fun at the image above without also pointing out how awesome the original subjects actually are. Eric Allin Cornell and Carl Wieman are physicists who (along with Wolfgang Ketterle) won the 2001 Nobel Prize in Physics for their 1995 production of “the first true Bose-Einstein condensate“, which is but one highlight from their extensive resumes. Also, worth noting that a shallow googling reveals Mr. Cornell and Mr. Wieman both have managed to marry, with Cornell reproducing. Hmmm… which of those have I accomplished thus far? Any day now I’m going to nail that Nobel Prize thing.